M is being distant and awkward as usual. Fuck him. Waste of my time douchebag, I like him, I'm not afraid to admit it, I get insanely jealous every time he talks to another girl, but he's never going to like me back, and I just have to accept that. Fuck B too while I'm at it, just because. I'm far enough away to go down the 'it's easier to hate them than to pine over him' path. I know it just means I still have crazy feelings for him, but I really don't care.
I can't believe it's been one year since I started watching Skins, one year since that excursion, one year since Macbeth. It's weird to think back to that person I was all that time ago, who knew nothing of all the wonderful things that were to come, shut in her bedroom, marathoning episode after episode. I can still remember the roleplay site I was on, my characters, the music I listened to, it wasn't a perfect time, but sometimes, if just for a few seconds, I can isolate that fuzzy feeling of remembering it, when things were looking up.
I want to go shoe shopping. I want to buy sparkly heels and gorgeous cocktail dresses in all colours of the rainbow, and just start wearing them instead of normal clothes. I want to wake up one morning with perfectly cut and styled hair, that never grows, or changes, but if I ever get bored of it, I can click my fingers and pick something new.
'do i dare, disturb the universe? in a minute there is time, for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.' - t.s. elliot.
In a second, you can make a decision, which will change your life forever